A Trophy For Trying

There’s comes a time in every dads life when he realizes how hard it is to enter and exit his church, while carrying his adorable 3 month old child.  And don’t think that little pink bow in her hair is just innocent cuteness either.  It’s like gasoline on the flame! 

This week’s church service was absolutely off the chain awesome!  Our senior pastor, Gordon Banks, finished up a series he based on scripture (of course), and the Avengers!!!  Yes, we got to watch clips of pretty much one of the best super hero movies ever, in church, and it was awesome.  (You can check out the podcast on Itunes. Just search for Overcomer Covenant Church).

Pastor Gordon perfectly planned this series to wrap up on father’s day, so you can imagine that every action, thriller, adventure movie loving bro in the house was kicked back, popcorn in hand, soaking up every moment of this groundbreaking series… Except the popcorn was either a bible or an Ipad cuz we holy like that.

At the end of service Pastor G called every dad in the house forward and began calling out destiny in us.  He had every lady in the house come stand behind us and pray over us as well.  I happened to be holding my ridiculously cute little girl as all this was going on, and of course, he took notice. (Cuz let’s face it, cuteness levels like that aren’t normal in anyone.  She should be in the X-Men, and her mutant power is to overwhelm the bad guys with her cuteness…And baby drool) Pastor G proceeded to lift her up and show her off to the entire congregation. If you were there, you can’t tell me that “The Circle Of Life”, did not start playing in your head.

So now lets fast-forward to the very end of service, my daughter has realized that she hasn’t had a bottle in the past 5 minutes and is starting to do that sputtery crying thing that’s meant to signal us before we enter epic melt down mode.  Just as I’m picking up the diaper bag, people begin coming over to observe and oogle at the insane cuteness of our baby girl (I actually quite enjoy this part cuz I get to say, “Yeah, that came from me”).  Just as one conversation ends and we take 3 steps toward the door, another oogler.. 3 more steps, and again…

Now it may sound like I can’t stand talking to people at church, and I want to make it clear that this is not the case at all!  I love, with all my heart, each and every person and appreciate the fact that they want to take time to connect with us just to say hello, but when there are like… 40ish people between you and the door, an exit becomes a very slow process. VERY SLOW.

It’s at these times that the ADDragon rears its head and Zach finds himself responding to things in conversation that he didn’t actually hear.

“Yeah?  Oh wow!  That’s awesome!” *Queue awkward stare as I realize I just said “that’s awesome” to their story about running over a puppy*

After 32 or so conversations, we finally make it to the car and head for home for a quiet afternoon with the family, turkey burgers, and the knowledge that I congratulated someone on killing one of nature’s cutest animals.  I think that this is one of those moments in life where God face palms and just pats you on the back.  “Here’s a trophy for trying son.  Now go eat some pizza and play video games.”

Today's Random Trandum Thought

Everyone knows and loves Captain Crunch right?  Right.  And if you deny it, you’re lying and Jesus is watching.  Shame on you.

Has anyone else ever noticed that biting in to a freshly poured spoonful of CC is similar to biting in to a handful of broken glass?  I’m fairly certain that they designed this celebrity status pirate cereal to quickly hit your blood stream, thus making you crave more.  I suppose it could be that it’s just that crunchy, but it’s far more exciting to think of the darker side of the yellow box.

To prove my point, I challenge you to eat a bowl of the delicious mouth gouger and then bite in to something salty, or take a drink of some sort of citrus beverage.  I warn you though, you may end up experiencing something like….

 

Or…

 

Possibly…

 

Or it could be blissfully tasty.

It’s an adventure!

A.D.D.'ers Get More Exercise

Need to shed a few pounds?

Planning on toning up those legs?

Need to get up off the couch?

Well have I got a deal for you!

…Ok maybe not, but I am fascinated by some infomercials and thought it might be fun to channel a little Billy Mays to kick things off.  And just for the record, Oxy Clean does remove stains like fire removes eyebrows.  Just sayin’.

Anyway,

Whats my point in all this?  Well its exactly as the title suggests.  I theorize that A.D.D’ers may actually get more exercise than the average Joe.  Lets look at my genius hypothesis…

Wife: Honey, can you grab a few things from our room for me?  Cora (my daughter) needs a fresh diaper, a baby wipe, a bottle, and I could sure use the glass of water I left on my night stand.

Zach: Sure babe!

*Zach gets up from the couch, heads downstairs, and immediately becomes distracted by the hat he had been looking for in the previous week*

*Zach runs back upstairs*

Zach: Honey!  I found my hat!

Wife: Cool babe… Poopy diaper.  Please send emergency relief.

Zach: Oh… Right.  Be right there!

*Back down the stairs.  Grabs diaper.  Back up the stairs*

Zach: Here ya go babe.  A fresh diaper for my sweet-pea!

Wife: Thanks Honey, but I cant wipe that bum with my hand.

Zach: Oh… Right.  Be right back!

*Back down the stairs. Grabs baby wipe. Back up the stairs*

Zach: Ok!  Poo be gone!

Wife: Thanks honey!  Did you remember my water?

Zach: Oh… Right.  Please hold!

*Back down the stairs.  Snags water bottle.  Back up the stairs*

Zach: Here…. Here you go babe. *sweating… Gasping for air*

Wife: Thanks babe! *kiss on the cheek*

Now just look at all the exercise I got!  By the end of that fiasco, my legs were on fire, I had broken a sweat, and my blood was pumping!  I’m thinking of starting one of those weight loss shows, except it wouldn’t be that interesting because I would always forget what we were doing, or I’d stop to pet the nice doggy and make faces at the baby passing by, possibly pausing for an iced coffee, cuz it just sounded so good even though I’m pretty sure caffeine makes my brain move at warp speeds, and then drops down again, looking something like, if Grumpy Cat were a brain…

Well that seems to be all I can muster for the moment.

Until next time kids.  Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.

Bad Timing A.D.D. Monster. Bad Timing.

If you are someone who’s as easily distractible as me, you may relate to the following Circumstance…

*Zach pulls up to the drive through at Starbucks just as something interesting is being said on the radio*

Nice Starbucks Lady: Thank you for choosing Starbucks!  What can I get started for you?

Zach:  Hi, I’d like to get a….

*Zach begins to struggles with speaking and listening to the fascinating story on the radio*

Zach: Yeah can I get…

*Back to the radio*

Zach: I’ll have a grande…

*And again… But we got to grande this time*

Zach: Coffee… I’ll have a coffee…

Nice Starbucks Lady: I’m sorry, can you repeat that?

Zach:

A.D.Day In The Life

Where do you start with these types of things?  I never know how to start talking about myself correctly, or if there’s even a way to do so or if it’s even appropriate to do so.  Well, appropriate or not, here I am starting the “talk” about the blender of things swirling around in my head.  It’s kinda’ like the, “Will It Blend” guy on Youtube.  When he takes the random, usually expensive, and rather heart breaking to watch, items and throws them in his industrial super amazing blender from hell and hits “frappe”.  When that thing kicks in gear things turn to complete and total smoky, chaos, ending with a, “don’t breathe that”.

I have A.D.D.

There, I said it.  I have what most people consider a childhood squirrel chasing disorder that makes remembering things, completing tasks, and sometimes focusing on conversation difficult.  Try to picture yourself playing Super Mario on 25 different T.V. screens, all at the same time, all on that stupid water level that nobody can actually beat, and suddenly someone starts changing the channel on the T.V. sets.  Now you still have to complete all your other Mario games, but Wheel of Fortune is on!  Oh!  And is that Ducktales!?  Dang, you drank a lot of water, you should go to the bathroom, but don’t forget to change the dog, and walk the banana before you... Aaaaaaaaand turtle shell. Queue the iconic game over music.

I guess this may be more of a vent for little ol’ Zach here.  Maybe I just needed to spit out some of the jumble in my head in order to start moving towards some semblance of clarity.  Or maybe there’s someone else reading this that knows exactly what I’m talking about.  Well friend, you aren’t alone and you’re not damaged goods, as I’m sure, just as I have, you’ve felt so often.  You were created for great things and are destined to grow and conquer this wall.  Because, let’s be honest... A.D.D.? 

Aint’ nobody got time for that!

I’m beginning to step in to a new season of life, where I’m targeting the things that I have not dealt with for 20+ years!  Things that have sunk in so deep, it’s going to hurt pulling them out.  But I’m committed to growing and weeding out those things that kill my ability to be the man I know I’m destined to be.  The seeds that have become thorny bushes will no longer dictate how my life goes.

Stick a fork in me… I’m done.